How It Works
There’s no wall to climb over and no willpower to run out of. There’s a scoreboard, and there’s one person who can see it. That’s the whole app.
You name a Clamp — the one person you’d least like to disappoint. The app watches for flagged activity. Your Clamp finds out. You can delete an app in a weak moment; you cannot un-tell someone who already knows.
What counts as an event
The app sorts activity into a category right on your phone, and every flagged event gets a severity: Tier I, Tier II, or Tier III. Tier I and II wait in line for the weekly bulletin. Tier III does not wait — your Clamp gets an email the moment it lands. Some things can’t sit until Sunday.
The Rank Ladder
Every week your Clamp sees one thing: your rank. Stay clean and you build a streak. Your streak earns you a rank. The ranks climb. The names do not get more flattering. Seven rungs, and everyone starts at the bottom.
- 60+ days Highly Regarded the top rank — yes, really. Our highest classification, despite sounding like an insult.
- 30–59 days Diamond Hands a full month-plus of white-knuckle restraint. The urge came, the urge left, and you are still here.
- 14–29 days Your Wife's Boyfriend two weeks clean. Somebody had to step up while you were busy not relapsing.
- 7–13 days Bagholder a week in, holding the position even though it hurts. Down bad, holding anyway. Respect.
- 3–6 days Paper Hands still shaky, but the paper is getting thicker. The first week is the hardest, and you are in it.
- 1–2 days Smooth Brain a day or two clean. Smooth, frictionless, and a wrinkle is starting to form. Protect it.
- 0 days Degenerate where everyone starts, and where everyone returns.
Day bands shown are current targets and will be tuned as the app meets real-world data. Calibration is the responsibility of Ben Overbich, Tier Threshold Calibration Lead (ext. 4410). He has assured us the numbers are correct. We have elected to believe him.
Any incident resets your streak to zero. No partial credit. You start the climb again from Degenerate. We attempted to build in a grace day. We were unable.
What your Clamp actually sees
Your accountability partner sees how many events occurred in each category, never which sites or what was on them.
Electric Nipple Clamps monitors content in system browsers (Chrome, Safari, Firefox, Edge). Content viewed in in-app browsers — Reddit, Instagram, X, Facebook, Pinterest, TikTok, and similar — is not monitored in this version. This limitation is disclosed proactively; an expanded coverage scope is on the roadmap.
Categorization is performed on your device by matching each site’s address against a list of known sites that ships inside the app; no outside classification service is used. Your accountability partner sees how many events occurred in each category, never which sites or what was on them.